Seeking wisdom, not answers

Mike and I were licensed for foster care 20 years ago when we were both 23 years old. Our first placement, that took place literally as the ink dried on our license, was a 17 year old girl. We had completed our 20 hours of training and our home inspection and we were already parenting a couple of toddler "homemade" children so we were ready for this, right?!

We thought we knew a lot back then, but the most important understanding that I have gained over the years is that it is what you learn after you know everything that matters.

I cringe when I think of some of the flubs that we made over the years but I am ultimately grateful for those experiences as they gave me insight beyond the workshops and books. Those years of hands on learning from hurt children helped me develop a sense of what "fit" with my experiences and what didn't so that I did not simply accept what I was told in trainings by "experts".

I knew people who took out second mortgages on their houses to afford sending their children who had been diagnosed with attachment disorders to the miracle clinic featured in that made-for-TV movie all those years ago. There the children would be bound and constricted which would bring about rage and after the rage had been expelled the child was "rebirthed" all shiny and new. Until one died of suffocation during the process. And others started talking.

My experience told me that this miracle therapy was not the answer. Healing came slowly and through the building of relationships, not the tearing down of the child.

The experts I learned from had experience that went beyond any letters that happened to be behind their names. And like the healing process, the process of gaining insight and wisdom is a painfully slow and seemingly unending one.

Take a few minutes to read what Mary the Mom wrote this morning . I especially thought about what she wrote in #9 because what I have learned in my years as a trainer is that I must touch on what the parent already knows and help them develop an even deeper insight into the needs of the child because that is ultimately more powerful than me simply spewing information at them.

I know that I continue to learn every single day and from every person I meet on this journey. I burst through the gate in a sprint, knowing it all, then I slowed to a jog and started asking questions. I am now strolling along this path, taking in each new experience fully and no longer simply looking for answers, but seeking wisdom instead. And that has made all the difference.