I wrote earlier today about having people in my life who understand and support our family. There are other people in my life as well.
It is after midnight and Mike and I just woke from a sound sleep when the phone rang. It was my sister. She said that she and her husband are in the hospital emergency room and they need a ride home. Neither one of them drives anymore and most of their friends' lives and situations are similar to theirs. Substance addiction eventually robs you of everything.
Mike had answered the phone and I heard him say several times, "You know that Kari just had surgery. She is on pain medication and I can't really leave her alone right now."
I am only taking my narcotic pain medication at night now and I had just taken it a few hours earlier. Katie wasn't home yet so I would have been alone with the younger kids. Mike covered up the phone and asked me what he should do.
I said, "I guess you'll have to go and give them a ride. Just make sure that the story checks out and she isn't just trying to escape the hospital again." (We've learned enough about alcoholism to know that we have to ask questions before helping.)
Mike put the phone to his ear and started to tell her that he would give them a ride and she said in an angry voice, "Forget it. We heard everything." And she hung up.
I'm sure she tried to call my parents but they had their phones charging or something. My sister's two sons, my nephews, are spending the weekend with my parents. I hate most what this is doing to my nephews. I'm sure they'll hear from their mom the next time they see her about what heartless people we are.
I love my sister. I hate her addiction to alcohol.
I can't sleep.
THE GOING TO THE SUN ROAD
1 hour ago
3 of your thoughts:
You just can't win with people like that. They will never remember all of the help you've given thus far, it's all about "this moment" in time. She'll get over it by the next time she needs you. My sister doesn't ask for much, but I guarantee that she doesn't ever call unless her intention is to ask. I think she gauges how I react to her current "bad news" and if I'm very sympathetic, she'll make a request. If I give her the "what fors" for being irresponsible, getting herself into another jam, not being there for her kids, etc (even if I do it gently and in a supportive way) I think she decides to pass. She actually is probably waiting for me to offer more help voluntarily, but I can't do that anymore. I love my sister and I want good things for her. Me wanting it isn't going to make her do the things she needs to do to get it. It's too bad she drags the kids into it, just keep doing for your nephews, they'll see the truth.
It's tough. I had to have a talk with my 13-year-old yesterday about how his grandfather is drinking again and we may or may not visit him as planned this summer.
Years ago he wanted to call him and I almost said no but then said, "If he says crazy things, or is talking strangely, or doesn't know who you are just hang up." I promised it wasn't rude. Grandpa wouldn't remember.
Us kids of alcoholics learn to see through their lies. If they are teens tell them about Alateen. If they are ready.
There is almost nothing you can do unless they admit they have a problem. I had a cousin and her husband die from that disease about 4 years ago. They did nine months apart. You can work and talk to them until you are blue in the face and unless they admit they have a problem they will not get better.My cousin said her husband had the problem and he knew himself he did. He would get the "cure"but she would not stop drinking in front of him so he would go right back to it. After she died in late 40's he gave up and died also. Now they have 2 beautiful grandchildren and one on the way that they never even got to see. It is said --but we can't blame ourselves because if they don't want help --no matter how hard you try--they just won't get better. All you can do is pray and hope for that miracle. So don't beat yourselves up--it is not your fault!!!!I hope the boys realize that also.
Riky
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